But I feel like this time of my life is one of choosing God's will over my own, which makes me grown up. I've noticed that the self-centered mindset I've always had relinquishes more and more with time. A friend said to me the other day, "Do you know we all look at you like a little girl?" I said..."what?!" Immediately I was offended, thinking because I have a clean mouth and an innocent perspective on life that I'm labeled a 19-year old child. Then he said, "Because you are always so sweet, and smiling, and doing nice things." I thought, "That makes everyone see me as a little girl?!Man, I need to stop being sweet!" When I got home that evening, I thought about it a little more, obviously bothered by his statement...then I remembered what Jesus said in Luke 18:17 - "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
and Matthew 18:3 - "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
and Mark 10:15 - "Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Now call me a child again! Pleasee!
A week or so later I started getting the urge to be responsible, which you know is a weakness of mine. My priorities have always been a little bit mixed up. First Jesus, yes, then relationships and friendships (to the point where I never say no to social events when I have greater responsibilities), then music (which always always always comes before homework), then diet and exercise, then money..and then school falls down there somewhere.
Yes, relationships are important to me, songwriting is important me, but it isn't God's will is not for me to be irresponsible. I've been praying for responsibility (as a trait, not an addition to my must-do-now list), and I think the Lord is really giving it to me! God is teaching me to be child-like where I should be child-like and grown-up where I should be grown up. Not what my family expected for my study-abroad trip, but yes, what I expect. I wanted growth (and I still want growth). It's a process, but I know I'm growing up! I have a job interview next week (pray for me) and I've finished two papers a day and a half before they're due!! -- that's a huge step btw.
Next for today - jog to worship music in the lovely Australian spring weather, finish half of an essay due next week, play a little piano, study hard for a test next week, dance with a hairbrush and sing to the mirror, go to Regen (young adult church group), and hang out with my close friends here. yessss, action - you go Laura, you can do it.
