Innate Desire to Know You

"God You are my God; I eagerly seek You. I thirst for You; my body faints for You in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water." -Psalm 63:1

Do you remember as a child wanting something so bad that it brought you to tears? ..Maybe a toy or a designer shirt like all the cool kids had?  Even as a wordless baby, we knew how to communicate to our parents that we wanted something..that we were hungry or thirsty or wanted a specific chew toy..or that we just wanted to be held.  We weren't able to say I love you or understand the concept of family, but we knew want.  

It isn't necessarily a bad thing, even though we Christians tend to criticize selfish tendencies. The difference lies in what it is we desire. I'm not saying it's wrong to want ice-cream - in that case, I'd be the world's worst sinner.  What is heartbreaking, however, is so many of us don't understand that we were created with this innate desire-desire from birth-to know Jesus, to experience Him, to live in relationship with a God that is so much bigger than little us.  He is the truest form of the love that we so desperately yearn for as teenagers and adults. He is the truest form of the beauty we are drawn to in other people and want for ourselves.  Jesus is the most fulfilling, giving, satisfying person place or thing, but so many of us don't know that He created us with want not so that we can satisfy our flesh, but so that we can want Him.  

In Psalm 63 David is stranded in the wilderness, the desert of Judah without family, yet he doesn't cry out to satisfy his physical needs. Verse 1 in the NIV translation says, "my whole body longs for You." And verse 3, "Your love is greater than life." Here we see David understanding that a well of water in the desert won't satisfy his thirst..family and friends in a desolate land won't ease his loneliness..No, it is God that he desires with every inch of his being. 

..And that is something so beautiful to me.  As a person who craves intimacy and attention, it is so humbling to realize that I was created with those desires so that I can wake up in the morning and want to know God more that day..so that I can desire to be in the one relationship that will never fail me at some point in life..I want, not as a result of the media telling me I should have more, but because I was created to want Jesus, and to always want Him more, know Him more intimately, understand his teaching more and more and more and more. 

It's not bad to want more..so long as we know the reason we were made to want.

Consequence (my story)

I was driving through the sunset-painted stretch from Forth Worth to Waco yesterday.. admiring the beauty around me, wondering when the last time was that I cleared my mind to just exist wholly in the Lord's presence. And I started asking for a breakthrough in our relationship (God's and mine), not a revolution, but a realization, a baby step in the right direction.  During my Monday evening jog I had contemplated the concept of being punished for sin, and what that might look like in my life.  My mind immediately went back to the jog from a few days earlier, and an influx of emotion made its way to my face.  As quickly as the tears had come to my eyes, they were rolling down my cheek and onto my shorts. And in that moment of vulnerability and weakness, I could pray...really pray, I mean.. hear and respond... to finally realize that for the last 6 months, I haven't been held captive by imaginary thoughts of  future or overwhelming desire.  No, not at all as I had thought. On the contrary, I have been undergoing what is most certainly punishment for my sin.  

I'm driving still, offering all south-bound traffic the opportunity to think up crazy scenarios of what poor blondie in the Honda must be going through.  No shame, completely bear-boned and naked before the Lord (figuratively, of course), I was experiencing the break-through I prayed for just moments earlier.  And  I realized the "don't do it" feeling in my gut last November was much more than my conscience telling me this is wrong; it was my God telling me there will be consequences for my actions, should I choose to proceed.  Have I sinned before? umm yeahh..and this particular sin? plenty of times. But this time I heard the voice of reason in well-enough time to make the right decision, yet I still chose to follow through with the wrong one..that's deliberate disobedience, a slap in the face to the one trying to protect me.  It's a reflection of the lie I've sorta been living for as long as I can remember...The same lie that got me detention in high school and my first speeding ticket.  The lie that is responsible for tons of great stories, but has caused me a lot of pain.. The lie that I don't answer to anyone but myself.  

For as long as I can remember, I've never really been afraid of consequences.  I always thought I wasn't doing anything bad enough to get in any real trouble, or that what I was doing wasn't wrong - maybe irresponsible, but not wrong.  I have been free as a bird, living a carefree, happy-go-lucky life, uninhibited by the worry and stress that burden the rest of the world! That's what makes me me! ..True, yeah..but also a bit selfish and immature.  I would always pride myself in not living a mundane life, in living a life of adventure and risk. I still do.  But allowing that free spirit to leak into my decision-making and into my social and spiritual responsibilities has given me a sense of entitlement that I do not own...an entitlement to act however I want and say whatever I want so long as my intentions are pure.

So I've been tangled in this 6-month web of deceit and misspent passion as a result of my deliberate disobedience.  Freedom couldn't come until I learned.  I couldn't learn until I understood.  And I couldn't be forgiven until I was actually sorry. Punishment has a good way of making us remorseful...which in turn, has a good way of making us grow and change.  Now to get to the root of the sin.. hmmmmm.

Is there a mountain in your life that may exist because you've sinned?..Feel separated from God, or like something is holding you back?  Maybe, like me, you're suffering as a result of your sin, which is ultimately separation from God (loneliness, hurt, anxiety or depression, insecurity, pride, self-righteousness..)? Dig deep with Him, brother or sister, because I promise you He loves you so tenderly and unconditionally that he wants nothing but the very best for you.

xo - Laura

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Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.  Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. JAMES 1:14-16

A pot of thoughts

Life is going to be full of failures, small victories, mistakes and heartache, complete joy, and sometimes lack of direction. But, regardless of the hardships we experience, our unmet goals and expectations, that feeling that life as it is does not measure up to the aspirations we once had..or even the outcomes from changes in lifestyle/personality/health/environment/physicality/passions, etc.... one thing is certain.

 and will always be certain.

There is a GOD who created you, me, us ..for something much bigger. yes, much much bigger than our dreams. much bigger than the promises we make to ourselves. bigger than our burden of responsibility. bigger than any path laid out for us by someone else, or perhaps ourselves. and yes, even bigger than our circumstances, whatever they are.

So America is the "land of the free," but so many of us have no clue what it means to be free.  Bound-up and blinded by unresolved feelings of resentment, unmet expectations, addiction, sadness, illness, worry, guilt, hurt, fatigue, and unsatisfied longings, we live as captives...likely unaware of what it is that imprison us. I am positive that this captivity is satan's defense in response to the Lord's gift of freedom and peace.

I will never be able to explain the "wheel of the world." And, yes, I do aspire to be "something great."  But in the same way that I am limited in knowledge, GOD is all-knowing.  In the very way that I am limited in wisdom, GOD is all-wise. In the same way the I get weak, tired, and discouraged, GOD is, has been, and always will be strength. rest. joy. GOD. 

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Daddy, thank you for blessing me with tiny victories, with fellowship, with passion and desires! Thank you for being my freedom. Thank you for having a purpose for me. Can you lead me into a deeper love with you, please?  Will you guide me into a spacious place where I can simply delight in You?




One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. - Psalm 27:4

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. -Psalm 18:19

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. -Ephesians 2:1

A Picture of Forgiveness

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. -Matthew 5:8

Last night I got this vision while I was spending time with the Lord.  It was of the beauty of forgiveness.  I saw a bride walking down the aisle.  The train of her beautiful white dress was so long that it spread out perfectly, touching each church pew on its aisle side.  What was so special about this picture was what happened as she was walking.  As she stepped slowly and her dress touched the pews, either side of the church would turn solid white, from the floor to the seats, all the way to the ceiling.  And the pattern continued with each next step, finally walking up to her husband-to-be, as spotless church surrounding them both.  Not only was she in a process of being made whole little by little, but everything she touched was made whole.  The purity that she had chosen was spreading joy, purifying her husband, forgiving anyone who may trespass against her, and teaching others to forgive.  The forgiveness that the Lord had laid on her like a bright light in darkness ---> she accepted it..she understood it..she was drawing from her heart the forgiveness God so lovingly gave her and applying it to her relationships, to her actions.  This is my prayer for myself and for you.  Embrace the purity God wants for you.  Choose to live a life of character, of compassion, of love and joy.  Choose to forgive those who have or still are hurting you; and accept the loving pardon Jesus shed his own blood for you to have.  Create peace and joy in a broken and hurtful world.  Each of us have the beauty to do so, thanks to being made in the image of God, and to our relationship with Jesus Christ.  He is pursuing you. He loves you. You are more precious to him that any gift you could give, any accomplishment you can achieve. Truth.

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. -Ephesians 1:4

He who covers and forgives an offense, seeks love.. - Proverbs 17:9

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us, and purify us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. -Matthew 5:8

The Lord has a plan, and whatever mess you've been in is part of it.

Have you ever heard your decisions can make or break you?

...make you what? happy? sad? stronger? depressed? thankful? learn? a prisoner? free?

..maybe it isn't all the decision that "makes you," but how you handle the aftermath, the consequences, the results...I'm assuming you've made a few "stupid (in someone's perspective)" decisions throughout your life just like I have.  I'm sure if it's a strong or weak point of mine, but I always seem happy among trial. When I have made decisions that are threatening to my future, that are hurtful to others, that are considered bad decisions, I deal with the consequences alongside the Lord.  Not as if I'm abusing his grace, but as if I am desperately seeking what I am meant to learn through my situation...why focus on the darkness around you, when there is light in front of you? it just seems silly..our choices have been made. Some of them, we wish we could take back, but how many times have you wished to win the lottery vs how many times you've won it? ..or how many times have you wished that you were Carrie Underwood and it happened? We can't take our choices back, so it can only be hurting us to dwell in them.  We can, however, ask the Lord to bless them.  To give us some compassion, to show us some path that we wouldn't have had or seen without experiences this mistake in this moment.  I don't mean that the Lord is going to bless your decision to be unfaithful to your spouse.  I mean that the Lord can bless the situation, can teach you, can open doors..seriously, he's like for real always waiting to just hand us this big bundle of mercy that we need but don't deserve.  

God does not want us to live in guilt, Satan does. Yes, you have a conscience, so do I. That's how we know we did the wrong thing. That's how we know to look to God and say ..uh oh, I think I really messed up..and I need your help, Daddy. 

I recently came to my earthly dad crying, and thanking him for the huge sacrifice he made to help fix the horrible mess I made, and ya know what he said?.. "That's what dads are for."  Lets be real, if we could do this life alone, we wouldn't need Jesus. Stop feeling sorry for yourself if you are/believe you are a victim of someone else's mistakes..Stop beating yourself up if you feel like you made the worst decision that is ruining someone else's life. You are allowing Satan to grow death inside of you like a weed. I promise it's gonna choke you before long. Look to the Lord. There is a reason. There is a season. Kill the pity and regret.  Open your heart, and ask the Lord for help so that life can move forward.  You have what is now. Learn from your mistakes, and let God use them to glorify his name (however tainted that may sound.)  This is the life HE gave you, and He doesn't want you to spend it beating yourself up, feeling guilty, depressed, or anxious. It's your choice. Pick up The Word, pray, listen, seek godly counsel.  The Lord has a plan, and whatever mess you've been in is part of it.

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As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our sins from us. -Psalm 103:12

But on thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:14

"give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our traspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." -Matthew 6:11-12

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

I sought the LORD, and heard me and delivered me from all my fears. -Psalm 34:4

The Truth

I don't even feel the need to comment on the dialouge below..The sequential statements I've taken from a passage adequately express my thoughts; and although I am enticed to explain all the things on my heart..these words are just so powerful...All from Jesus..All recorded in John 8. I encourage you to read this, then read the entire chapter, which includes the context I've excluded. John 8 is an account of a real happening, history - when Jesus walked the earth as man. The following is scripture speaking, Christ speaking directly to me..and hopefully you.



"Neither do I condemn you..Go now and leave your life of sin."
..
"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life."
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"You are from below, I am from above. You are of this world, I am not of this world. I told you that you would die in your sins; if you do not believe that I am, you will indeed die in your sins."
..
"When you have lifted up the Son of Man, the you will know that I am."
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To the Jews who had believed him Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you really are my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."
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"I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
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"If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own, but He sent me."
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"You belong to your father the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
..
"If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."
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"If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing."
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"I tell you the truth, Jesus answered...I am."

Love: The Superior Way

The title in my Bible for 1 Corinthians 13 is "Love: The Superior Way"

Websters offers 28 different definitions. Here is my favorite.
LOVE (verb)
 16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

...so beautiful, right?
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Like me, you may cherish love over anything in life. Over money, over success, over image. Over race, religion, lifestyle..there is something I believe we all want and need. 
There's something about giving and receiving love that is so fulfilling. It's like we were programmed to love and be loved. I believe it with all of my heart. I believe that God created us to desire affection, to desire something deeper than surface-level relationships. I love to show people love-friends, family, that "someone special," even strangers..I love to love. and I need to be loved.. luckily my God is the Father of love, the Author and Creator of Love, the Ultimate Giver of Love, the Best Example of Love to Follow. I want to know and give love more and better each day the SUPERIOR WAY..

Love is patient; love is kind.
Love does not envy;
it is not boastful; is not conceited;
does not act improperly; is not selfish;
is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs
finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.
..Now these three remain:
faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest is love.

[1 Corinthians 13]

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth

1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..

Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity