So I'm Young

My verse of the day yesterday was  2 Timothy 4:2: "Preach the Word, be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction." 

Today it's the popular 1 Timothy 4:12: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." 

In a lot of ways I feel like I was more mature as a high-schooler. Silly concept, right? But while my innocence was always mistaken for naivety, my relationship with the Lord was so pure before I was introduced to the sins of adulthood. I always hated that I was naive, but loved it at the same time. Before I knew what drunkenness was like, I didn't care for it. Before I knew financial struggle was, I wasn't anxious..

So I cherish my youth, and embrace it. Yeah, I'm living in the big girl world where I have to have a job to support myself and take responsibility for unforeseen circumstances, but I don't have to feel like I need to be older to have the wisdom of the ages. We learn from experience, but it is possible to learn before we experience. Why else would God leave us a 2,000 page instruction manual?  So 21 or 27 or 58 or 15, I'll seek wisdom they way I did as little girl blowing away the petals of dandelion and wishing for "wisdom." 8-year Laura didn't understand what wisdom was, but my Bible said it was good so I wanted it. And though I will never be wise, the Lord will be faithful to bless me with words to share, ideas to contemplate and discuss, truth to know, believe and live out; and while I may have many more years to learn many more things, no statement like "she's still young" can be rightfully justified of the heart who seeks Jesus. Here's a promise, and one that I don't make lightly:

Like 11-year-old middle-school Laura on beaches of Wilmington, NC who was unafraid to approach strangers and ask them if they have the security about life after death, and

Like 13-year-old dance instructor Laura on the way to a conference in Atlanta, GA who unknowingly committed a felony by writing  "Jesus loves you" on all her dollar bills just in case someone who received one needed to hear it,

Like 19-year-old Australian traveler Laura who  used her American accent to start conversations on the train everyday so people would ask about the sticky-note Bible verses on her coffee mug everyday,

And like the 10-year-old to now 21-year-old Laura who wears a band around her left finger so that when people ask what "purity" means, she can explain the rewards of abstaining from premarital sex, and furthermore, how her commitment to God is to fight to be pure of heart and in thought..

I will rise up without intimidation and proclaim the name of Jesus like Jerusalem was instructed to in Isaiah 60:1, "Arise, shine, for your light has come and the glory of the LORD rises upon you."

I've been a teacher since I learned how to speak. I'm an encourager, and I always will be. I don't need years of experience to figure out God's purpose for me, I need a heart that is eager and devoted to seeking Him above all else. I learn from people who are younger than I..and so what, I'm young. I promise to set an example in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. Age is relative in terms of surrender.

Changing the question: What is my purpose?

Rather than giving you an answer, I want to change the question. 

Ya know the "what am I doing here, what is my purpose in life, what do I want to do, what makes me happy" question we find ourselves asking all the time??

I think the more we try  to answer this package of undending questions about our individual purpose in life, the further we get from the answer...because we forget to remember it's not about us! It's the silliest thing. I can just imagine God chuckling every time I come before Him in distress asking "what am I supposed to do with my life?", or "where am I supposed to go, or who is the spouse you have set out for me"..yeah cause God clearly intended for me to be the center of all my thoughts. God clearly desires my number one focus to be what's gonna make me happiest!  saracasm.. I'm guilty, so guilty of holding on to the idea that I need to stress-out about planning plan my life. Let's see what scripture says about that:

"In his heart a man plans his course, but it is the LORD who determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

But what if we were to focus on a life that is a wee bit more important than our own? ..In understanding the Messiah's purpose, we might be so compelled to take a different approach to understanding the meaning of life.

"The one who serves Me must follow Me; and where I am, there my servant also will be.." (John 12:26)

**Since we as Christians are called to follow Jesus, to be where He is, let's take a look at His purpose to determine where He is, and thus, where we should be.  Have a read or two, or twelve through Isaiah 61. 

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has annointed me to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion -
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of dispair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."

(Isaiah 61)


Next time you're frustrated that God hasn't given you a clear path to take, he has! The narrow one! Try starting with knowing Jesus' purpose, and lining yours up with it :)


X0

Innate Desire to Know You

"God You are my God; I eagerly seek You. I thirst for You; my body faints for You in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water." -Psalm 63:1

Do you remember as a child wanting something so bad that it brought you to tears? ..Maybe a toy or a designer shirt like all the cool kids had?  Even as a wordless baby, we knew how to communicate to our parents that we wanted something..that we were hungry or thirsty or wanted a specific chew toy..or that we just wanted to be held.  We weren't able to say I love you or understand the concept of family, but we knew want.  

It isn't necessarily a bad thing, even though we Christians tend to criticize selfish tendencies. The difference lies in what it is we desire. I'm not saying it's wrong to want ice-cream - in that case, I'd be the world's worst sinner.  What is heartbreaking, however, is so many of us don't understand that we were created with this innate desire-desire from birth-to know Jesus, to experience Him, to live in relationship with a God that is so much bigger than little us.  He is the truest form of the love that we so desperately yearn for as teenagers and adults. He is the truest form of the beauty we are drawn to in other people and want for ourselves.  Jesus is the most fulfilling, giving, satisfying person place or thing, but so many of us don't know that He created us with want not so that we can satisfy our flesh, but so that we can want Him.  

In Psalm 63 David is stranded in the wilderness, the desert of Judah without family, yet he doesn't cry out to satisfy his physical needs. Verse 1 in the NIV translation says, "my whole body longs for You." And verse 3, "Your love is greater than life." Here we see David understanding that a well of water in the desert won't satisfy his thirst..family and friends in a desolate land won't ease his loneliness..No, it is God that he desires with every inch of his being. 

..And that is something so beautiful to me.  As a person who craves intimacy and attention, it is so humbling to realize that I was created with those desires so that I can wake up in the morning and want to know God more that day..so that I can desire to be in the one relationship that will never fail me at some point in life..I want, not as a result of the media telling me I should have more, but because I was created to want Jesus, and to always want Him more, know Him more intimately, understand his teaching more and more and more and more. 

It's not bad to want more..so long as we know the reason we were made to want.

Consequence (my story)

I was driving through the sunset-painted stretch from Forth Worth to Waco yesterday.. admiring the beauty around me, wondering when the last time was that I cleared my mind to just exist wholly in the Lord's presence. And I started asking for a breakthrough in our relationship (God's and mine), not a revolution, but a realization, a baby step in the right direction.  During my Monday evening jog I had contemplated the concept of being punished for sin, and what that might look like in my life.  My mind immediately went back to the jog from a few days earlier, and an influx of emotion made its way to my face.  As quickly as the tears had come to my eyes, they were rolling down my cheek and onto my shorts. And in that moment of vulnerability and weakness, I could pray...really pray, I mean.. hear and respond... to finally realize that for the last 6 months, I haven't been held captive by imaginary thoughts of  future or overwhelming desire.  No, not at all as I had thought. On the contrary, I have been undergoing what is most certainly punishment for my sin.  

I'm driving still, offering all south-bound traffic the opportunity to think up crazy scenarios of what poor blondie in the Honda must be going through.  No shame, completely bear-boned and naked before the Lord (figuratively, of course), I was experiencing the break-through I prayed for just moments earlier.  And  I realized the "don't do it" feeling in my gut last November was much more than my conscience telling me this is wrong; it was my God telling me there will be consequences for my actions, should I choose to proceed.  Have I sinned before? umm yeahh..and this particular sin? plenty of times. But this time I heard the voice of reason in well-enough time to make the right decision, yet I still chose to follow through with the wrong one..that's deliberate disobedience, a slap in the face to the one trying to protect me.  It's a reflection of the lie I've sorta been living for as long as I can remember...The same lie that got me detention in high school and my first speeding ticket.  The lie that is responsible for tons of great stories, but has caused me a lot of pain.. The lie that I don't answer to anyone but myself.  

For as long as I can remember, I've never really been afraid of consequences.  I always thought I wasn't doing anything bad enough to get in any real trouble, or that what I was doing wasn't wrong - maybe irresponsible, but not wrong.  I have been free as a bird, living a carefree, happy-go-lucky life, uninhibited by the worry and stress that burden the rest of the world! That's what makes me me! ..True, yeah..but also a bit selfish and immature.  I would always pride myself in not living a mundane life, in living a life of adventure and risk. I still do.  But allowing that free spirit to leak into my decision-making and into my social and spiritual responsibilities has given me a sense of entitlement that I do not own...an entitlement to act however I want and say whatever I want so long as my intentions are pure.

So I've been tangled in this 6-month web of deceit and misspent passion as a result of my deliberate disobedience.  Freedom couldn't come until I learned.  I couldn't learn until I understood.  And I couldn't be forgiven until I was actually sorry. Punishment has a good way of making us remorseful...which in turn, has a good way of making us grow and change.  Now to get to the root of the sin.. hmmmmm.

Is there a mountain in your life that may exist because you've sinned?..Feel separated from God, or like something is holding you back?  Maybe, like me, you're suffering as a result of your sin, which is ultimately separation from God (loneliness, hurt, anxiety or depression, insecurity, pride, self-righteousness..)? Dig deep with Him, brother or sister, because I promise you He loves you so tenderly and unconditionally that he wants nothing but the very best for you.

xo - Laura

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Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.  Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. JAMES 1:14-16

A pot of thoughts

Life is going to be full of failures, small victories, mistakes and heartache, complete joy, and sometimes lack of direction. But, regardless of the hardships we experience, our unmet goals and expectations, that feeling that life as it is does not measure up to the aspirations we once had..or even the outcomes from changes in lifestyle/personality/health/environment/physicality/passions, etc.... one thing is certain.

 and will always be certain.

There is a GOD who created you, me, us ..for something much bigger. yes, much much bigger than our dreams. much bigger than the promises we make to ourselves. bigger than our burden of responsibility. bigger than any path laid out for us by someone else, or perhaps ourselves. and yes, even bigger than our circumstances, whatever they are.

So America is the "land of the free," but so many of us have no clue what it means to be free.  Bound-up and blinded by unresolved feelings of resentment, unmet expectations, addiction, sadness, illness, worry, guilt, hurt, fatigue, and unsatisfied longings, we live as captives...likely unaware of what it is that imprison us. I am positive that this captivity is satan's defense in response to the Lord's gift of freedom and peace.

I will never be able to explain the "wheel of the world." And, yes, I do aspire to be "something great."  But in the same way that I am limited in knowledge, GOD is all-knowing.  In the very way that I am limited in wisdom, GOD is all-wise. In the same way the I get weak, tired, and discouraged, GOD is, has been, and always will be strength. rest. joy. GOD. 

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Daddy, thank you for blessing me with tiny victories, with fellowship, with passion and desires! Thank you for being my freedom. Thank you for having a purpose for me. Can you lead me into a deeper love with you, please?  Will you guide me into a spacious place where I can simply delight in You?




One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. - Psalm 27:4

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. -Psalm 18:19

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. -Ephesians 2:1

A Picture of Forgiveness

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. -Matthew 5:8

Last night I got this vision while I was spending time with the Lord.  It was of the beauty of forgiveness.  I saw a bride walking down the aisle.  The train of her beautiful white dress was so long that it spread out perfectly, touching each church pew on its aisle side.  What was so special about this picture was what happened as she was walking.  As she stepped slowly and her dress touched the pews, either side of the church would turn solid white, from the floor to the seats, all the way to the ceiling.  And the pattern continued with each next step, finally walking up to her husband-to-be, as spotless church surrounding them both.  Not only was she in a process of being made whole little by little, but everything she touched was made whole.  The purity that she had chosen was spreading joy, purifying her husband, forgiving anyone who may trespass against her, and teaching others to forgive.  The forgiveness that the Lord had laid on her like a bright light in darkness ---> she accepted it..she understood it..she was drawing from her heart the forgiveness God so lovingly gave her and applying it to her relationships, to her actions.  This is my prayer for myself and for you.  Embrace the purity God wants for you.  Choose to live a life of character, of compassion, of love and joy.  Choose to forgive those who have or still are hurting you; and accept the loving pardon Jesus shed his own blood for you to have.  Create peace and joy in a broken and hurtful world.  Each of us have the beauty to do so, thanks to being made in the image of God, and to our relationship with Jesus Christ.  He is pursuing you. He loves you. You are more precious to him that any gift you could give, any accomplishment you can achieve. Truth.

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. -Ephesians 1:4

He who covers and forgives an offense, seeks love.. - Proverbs 17:9

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us, and purify us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. -Matthew 5:8

The Lord has a plan, and whatever mess you've been in is part of it.

Have you ever heard your decisions can make or break you?

...make you what? happy? sad? stronger? depressed? thankful? learn? a prisoner? free?

..maybe it isn't all the decision that "makes you," but how you handle the aftermath, the consequences, the results...I'm assuming you've made a few "stupid (in someone's perspective)" decisions throughout your life just like I have.  I'm sure if it's a strong or weak point of mine, but I always seem happy among trial. When I have made decisions that are threatening to my future, that are hurtful to others, that are considered bad decisions, I deal with the consequences alongside the Lord.  Not as if I'm abusing his grace, but as if I am desperately seeking what I am meant to learn through my situation...why focus on the darkness around you, when there is light in front of you? it just seems silly..our choices have been made. Some of them, we wish we could take back, but how many times have you wished to win the lottery vs how many times you've won it? ..or how many times have you wished that you were Carrie Underwood and it happened? We can't take our choices back, so it can only be hurting us to dwell in them.  We can, however, ask the Lord to bless them.  To give us some compassion, to show us some path that we wouldn't have had or seen without experiences this mistake in this moment.  I don't mean that the Lord is going to bless your decision to be unfaithful to your spouse.  I mean that the Lord can bless the situation, can teach you, can open doors..seriously, he's like for real always waiting to just hand us this big bundle of mercy that we need but don't deserve.  

God does not want us to live in guilt, Satan does. Yes, you have a conscience, so do I. That's how we know we did the wrong thing. That's how we know to look to God and say ..uh oh, I think I really messed up..and I need your help, Daddy. 

I recently came to my earthly dad crying, and thanking him for the huge sacrifice he made to help fix the horrible mess I made, and ya know what he said?.. "That's what dads are for."  Lets be real, if we could do this life alone, we wouldn't need Jesus. Stop feeling sorry for yourself if you are/believe you are a victim of someone else's mistakes..Stop beating yourself up if you feel like you made the worst decision that is ruining someone else's life. You are allowing Satan to grow death inside of you like a weed. I promise it's gonna choke you before long. Look to the Lord. There is a reason. There is a season. Kill the pity and regret.  Open your heart, and ask the Lord for help so that life can move forward.  You have what is now. Learn from your mistakes, and let God use them to glorify his name (however tainted that may sound.)  This is the life HE gave you, and He doesn't want you to spend it beating yourself up, feeling guilty, depressed, or anxious. It's your choice. Pick up The Word, pray, listen, seek godly counsel.  The Lord has a plan, and whatever mess you've been in is part of it.

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As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our sins from us. -Psalm 103:12

But on thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:14

"give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our traspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." -Matthew 6:11-12

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

I sought the LORD, and heard me and delivered me from all my fears. -Psalm 34:4